I have thought about changing the name of my blog, "Adventures of a Very Awkward Girl" to "Adventures of Becoming a Woman." Here are the reasons why I voted against it...
I recently turned twenty years old and it was an awkward transition from being 19 to all of a sudden, "I'm a young lady entering my twenty's."I did not instantaneously become Wonder Woman. And you're probably thinking, well of course not... I did not instantaneously become stable with my emotions or thought process. I did not know how to act like a twenty year old. I was convinced that people had these expectations of me now that I was twenty years old: that I should be much wiser, more comfortable in my skin, and to already know what my purpose in life is. It was as if all of these expectations were placed upon my world by the world the very second I turned twenty years old.
These expectations were daunting. They were heavy burdens. They overpowered my thinking because all I wanted to happen was to become wiser, comfortable, and to already have a promising career in line. There were many intrinsic and extrinsic values, but more intrinsic than the second, that I so-passionately desired as soon as the clock struck midnight on the night of my birthday.
Then realized that these expectations, which I thought were intimidating, were great expectations that I had placed upon myself. I, unknowingly, made the choice to put the immense pressure on myself to achieve all of these things. No doubt in my mind that my family and friends would want me to achieve all of these great things, but I had it engrained my mind that transition wasn't necessary and that it is a good omen to gain all the wisest of wise insights. The difference between the my family/friends' expectations versus my expectations was that my family/friends would forgive me if I made an honest mistake, whereas, I would be very harsh and critical on myself because I'm not 'adult-enough', however you want to interpret being an adult.
I'm shaking my head no, right now... what the hell was I thinking...
Life is a process. Life needs transitions. I'm the type of person to jump into situations----that's part of my go-getter nature. But the game of life cannot, and will not, accommodate to a go-getter, if you want to live a beautiful enriching life, that is. I realized that to jump from point A to point Z, is like having all the art supplies to paint a portrait, and three minutes later you end up with a portrait that has magically painted itself. I mean...what happened to the process of squeezing the paint out of the tube, or pressing the brush on the canvas? To jump from point A to point Z is almost like giving up on life.
I know I'm only twenty years old, and there are many things I am still trying to figure out...but I think I figured out one of the most important aspects of life, and that is to live your life and be the age that you are. Why? because I'm only 20 years old once. In person, I may act like a twenty-six year old and may desire to be a thirty-year-old....but again, I'm shaking my head no...I need to be twenty years old because now is the time to shape my character, so that when I do turn twenty-six years old, I can wholeheartedly agree to myself and share with others the life I lived as a twenty year old young lady was amazing. I need to live these experiences.
Growing up is awkward. But this is who I am, and I accept being 'awkward', whatever that means.
So this particular blurb, "Adventures of Becoming a Woman," is dedicated to all the young people out there who seek to live a wild, yet tamed life. And to all the older more experienced women out there, this blog is dedicated to you and your wisdom. And if you got some advice, please feel free to share!
