Adventures of Becoming a Woman

I have thought about changing the name of my blog, "Adventures of a Very Awkward Girl" to "Adventures of Becoming a Woman." Here are the reasons why I voted against it...

I recently turned twenty years old and it was an awkward transition from being 19 to all of a sudden, "I'm a young lady entering my twenty's."I did not instantaneously become Wonder Woman. And you're probably thinking, well of course not... I did not instantaneously become stable with my emotions or thought process. I did not know how to act like a twenty year old. I was convinced that people had these expectations of me now that I was twenty years old: that I should be much wiser, more comfortable in my skin, and to already know what my purpose in life is. It was as if all of these expectations were placed upon my world by the world the very second I turned twenty years old.

These expectations were daunting. They were heavy burdens. They overpowered my thinking because all I wanted to happen was to become wiser, comfortable, and to already have a promising career in line. There were many intrinsic and extrinsic values, but more intrinsic than the second, that I so-passionately desired as soon as the clock struck midnight on the night of my birthday.

Then realized that these expectations, which I thought were intimidating, were great expectations that I had placed upon myself. I, unknowingly, made the choice to put the immense pressure on myself to achieve all of these things. No doubt in my mind that my family and friends would want me to achieve all of these great things, but I had it engrained my mind that transition wasn't necessary and that it is a good omen to gain all the wisest of wise insights. The difference between the my family/friends' expectations versus my expectations was that my family/friends would forgive me if I made an honest mistake, whereas, I would be very harsh and critical on myself because I'm not 'adult-enough', however you want to interpret being an adult.


I'm shaking my head no, right now... what the hell was I thinking...

Life is a process. Life needs transitions. I'm the type of person to jump into situations----that's part of my go-getter nature. But the game of life cannot, and will not, accommodate to a go-getter, if you want to live a beautiful enriching life, that is.  I realized that to jump from point A to point Z, is like having all the art supplies to paint a portrait, and three minutes later you end up with a portrait that has magically painted itself. I mean...what happened to the process of squeezing the paint out of the tube, or pressing the brush on the canvas? To jump from point A to point Z is almost like giving up on life.

I know I'm only twenty years old, and there are many things I am still trying to figure out...but I think I figured out one of the most important aspects of life, and that is to live your life and be the age that you are. Why? because I'm only 20 years old once. In person, I may act like a twenty-six year old and may desire to be a thirty-year-old....but again, I'm shaking my head no...I need to be twenty years old because now is the time to shape my character, so that when I do turn twenty-six years old, I can wholeheartedly agree to myself and share with others the life I lived as a twenty year old young lady was amazing. I need to live these experiences.

Growing up is awkward. But this is who I am, and I accept being 'awkward', whatever that means.

So this particular blurb, "Adventures of Becoming a Woman," is dedicated to all the young people out there who seek to live a wild, yet tamed life. And to all the older more experienced women out there, this blog is dedicated to you and your wisdom. And if you got some advice, please feel free to share!

Back in the States

It's been three days since I've been back in the States. I miss London very much but I'm not dwelling over it because I just know that one day I will return to the City. 

I feel so overexposed without the tall buildings and overcrowded streets. The following morning upon my arrival, I ran into five familiar faces within a four hour window. Such a small world.

I realize that I haven't posted anything about London in a month. I've been busy having the time of my life. ;) There were lows and many highs about this trip; overall, I'd say it has helped me in many ways. I've met some incredible people, and then on the contrary, I've met some not-so-incredible people...*Cough* ..like my roommate, who drained every ounce of energy from me just by being in her presence. Anyway, I think I will miss the people in the city the most. I miss the men in fitted suits; it's really fun to see what color socks they're wearing...when they sit down, their pants flood, revealing their socks. I miss my favorite baristas at Cafe Nero and the people who work behind the counter at the school cafe lounge, especially "Potato Guy" and "Space Man". This morning I listened to "Stereo Hearts" by Gym Class Heroes (ft. Adam Levine) and it reminded me of them. I miss the accents! I keep expecting to hear some British lingo. It's so weird to not hear someone British.  Everything I miss about London will be something to go back to. I would like to complete Grad school there. 

From this trip, I've discovered that I really love to learn. I really love art and I love history. I want to always learn something everyday. I also have kept a journal. Since the beginning of summer, I have been journaling and during my stay in London, I journaled, and I plan on journaling for the rest of my life. 

Would I change something about the trip? Hm. I don't think so. I can't wait to return. : )

the never-ending string

Highlights of my weekend-

made some British friends
saw fireworks from the London Bridge
watched the Tower Bridge go up (*Thanks for the correction)
made pasta at 3 in the morning
picnic...while sitting on a tree
climbed a tree
sat on top of a roof
made a newspaper collage
participated in a protest/small riot (omg. i know.)
talked to someone whom i hadn't talked to in a long time.


xoxo
Jessica

Crawling from my mind are....thoughts!

I am mentally drained. This morning I studied for my political science class for two hours. I went to school, sat down with my coffee and water, and opened my text books. I am a persistent, thorough reader and let me tell you, chapter six was incredibly long. I think I strained my eyes though...and I got a headache from reading the small fine print. Next time I will wear my glasses instead of contact lenses. After I finished reading, I rewarded myself with a yummy jacket potato topped with chicken, sweet corn, and bacon. Afterwards, I had planned to come home, shower, eat some more, and head out to a museum.

But instead of showering, the Russian dude and I helped our host mother with cleaning the pantry. There were pantry worms in it and she has a terrible phobia of worms. We took turns vacuuming the pantry. But first we had to take everything out, throw away containers, cereal, spices, bottles, just everything literally. It's ridiculous the amount of food we had to throw away. We tried to find the source of it but after a few hours we were still mystified. The Russian dude had to leave by 4:00 pm, and by then, we still couldn't find it. My host mother and I kept finding worms. And so finally, I lifted the shelves of the pantry and there it was. My host mother was petrified. I grabbed the vacuum, took the shelf off, and shoved the head of the vacuum into the corners of the pantry. I stripped down the pantry, vacuumed the corners and wiped it down with disinfectant solution. The fumes from the solution made me light headed. I'm still feeling a bit light headed. But it's all taken care of! My host mother thought I was an expert. She was worried about the worms crawling out of the vacuum bag and I suggested that we vacuum dirt to suffocate the worms. She was like, "You think that will work?" I gave her my full on detailed explanation how dirt will suffocate the worms and then trap then in there and then there would be absolutely no exit for them. We decided to vacuum the ash from the fire place instead of dirt and I reassured her that it will work just as well as dirt. I vacuumed a large portion of ash and told her that should be enough. She looked at me and was like, "okay good." and then I laughed. and then she chuckled and said, "i don't know why i think you're an expert." and it's as if she read my mind or something...because I was thinking of how I have no idea if dirt or ash will even matter.

Afterwards, my host mother and I drank some tea and ate some British pastries. We talked briefly talked about Amber's birthday, about the Russian dude who likes to embellish on everything, and finally about the kitchen itself. We sat at the table, looking at garden and ambient cobalt sky. And I thought, oh London.

First Time Blogger

First off, the title of my blog, "Adventures of a Very Awkward Girl" does not necessarily suggest that I am an awkward person. I was telling my sister and her boyfriend about my adventures and strange encounters in London, where I currently reside and study. I shared with them an underground tube station story:

There were no more seats available, which is happening more frequently (big sigh--standing can be so tiresome), so I wrapped my fingers around a pole and positioned myself where I wouldn't flop over to the other end of the train or lose balance. I had my head phones in, listening to "Nelly-Grillz," a song that is so fun to listen to, and you know, just minding my own business. Like myself, most people on the tube occupy themselves with music, reading the daily newspaper or an interesting book, and sometimes, they even fall asleep. Towards the end of my Nelly song, I heard this loud THUMP. I thought, that's not  part of the song. hmm. To my right, I caught sight of the tail end accident of the guy who had completely dozed off to be suddenly awakened by hitting the back of his head against the glass window. The people surrounding did not seem to witness this. But I did! Instantaneously and simultaneously, I bursted out in laughter and threw my hands over my mouth. I knew I needed to control myself, but I couldn't and I didn't really want to because it was just too enjoyable. The guy had a shy, embarrassed grin on his face. He looked around to see if anyone noticed. I was less than ten feet away from him; I don't think his scoping range was very wide. I looked down at my Ipod, pretending to scroll through my music list, when really, I needed a distraction. He went back to his normal, awake state after he realized that no one seemed to notice or care. For the next ten minutes on the tube, I would have random spurts of giggles, thinking about how the man clumsily hit the back of his head against the window. I received more weird glances than he had. 

To me, this is very normal. I was entertained by this and the man maintained his dignity. No one was harmed in the making. I told my sister and her boyfriend several more stories about my strange encounters...and consequently they said if I were to ever write a book about my study abroad in London, I should title it "Adventures of a Very Awkward Girl." Since I'm not going to write a book, I decided to start a blog, especially for my time here. 

I should have began this the first week I was here but figuring out this blog-thing and navigating through the site isn't my favorite past time activity and I don't have the patience to sit and scroll through things, type things in, verify my password through my email, and all that jazz. But! But since, I felt the dying need to have a virtual outlet for my thoughts, I finally scratched the itch and went through with it. And surprisingly, it was really quick and easy. So far, I'm enjoying this. I guess I just didn't want a blog before, but now...that's changed.

I have been here in London for two months, give or take a few days. In a brief explanation, I love and hate being here. I have many love's about London. But I'll just name three love's that first come into mind. I love my professors here; my study habits are improving tremendously (all hail my amazing professors). I love the endless avenues for exploration. And I love the underground tube station. AH! and I love the sexy, seductive, and potentially scandalous British accents. (...I know that's four love's, not three...)

My hate's? Well, I hate being away from my family. I'm not terribly homesick, more 'sister-sick'. But I know this is an academic opportunity and also an opportunity for growth/experience, and I'm so glad to be here. I also hate not being prepared for the rain or the cold, but that's my own fault. It hasn't rained hard or anything, but fair warning: BRING AN UMBRELLA where ever you go, even if you know it's going to just drizzle. It's worth it. Nothing is worse than having your hair work as a sponge for that rainy afternoon. I mean, you wouldn't go to the beach without sunscreen, right? Right.